"A Ghost In My Own Home" by Allison Goldfire
A Ghost in My Own Home
Sometimes you break so much that it doesn't even hurt.
Your body slowly starves,
Everything caving in.
Small victories have no meaning.
There's no joy, no elation.
You're so numb that different boys feel like nothing.
When they're inside you and vacate after.
It doesn't sting.
A raise doesn't make your heart skip,
There's no one to discuss it with anyway.
Everyday is a battle when you stare at your bottle.
Yoga bores you-you're too weak to keep up anyway.
All of your materials you start to sell or give away.
You have no use for them anyway.
Touching your pets is equivalent to holding your hand over the gas stove.
They're defenseless victims of your own destruction.
A tie to the world that you're severing.
There's no care if you take a breath tomorrow, or even now.
It's wasted oxygen.
Desperate to escape this everlasting emptiness that's opening wide
and demolishing you.
Your bottomless ocean of despair flowing with the rip tide.
My resilience has vanished.
A ghost in my own home.
Please don't let this poem be a trigger.
There is always help, always hope.
National Suicide Prevention Hotline Call 1-800-273-8255
Caring Contact Crisis Lines:
7am-11pm *as per volunteer availability
Text ‘heart’ to 741-741
Love yourself. Better than anyone else ever could. There's only one life, one chance.
You are somebody's light in their darkest hour.